On Beards

I’ve worn a beard for most of the past 2 years.  I often get asked why; my response is, why do you shave?  Shouldn’t beardedness be the default?  Beards have many virtues, such as:

1) keeping the face warm in winter

2) absorbing sweat in summer

3) concealing blemishes

4) making their wearers appear wise and pensive

5) storing morsels of food for later consumption

Some great beards.

The main drawback of beards is that most women claim to find them unattractive.  I’m not sure I buy it.  As a uniquely male characteristic, beards ought to be considered sexy; you never hear men say they don’t like women with breasts.  Why is the current standard of male beauty boyish and effeminate?  Ladies, any comments?

That was a joke.  No girls are reading this bullshit.

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7 Responses to On Beards

  1. Patricia says:

    I like beards, and I don’t think I’m the only one. Sometimes they get a little scratchy for the girlfriend of the bearded-fellow, but I’d say it’s worth it. A little more facial-lotion usually solves that problem.

  2. Ed says:

    As a bearded cyclist, I can attest to the many benefits of facial hair. They provide sweat management in the summer, a breathable balaclava in the winter, and good looks year-round. Most women who knew me before and after prefer the rugged and virile look of the beard.

  3. Dan says:

    For those who didn’t get it: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=beard

    And Patricia, I’ve got your facial lotion right here. I overbought at Rite Aid.

  4. Scott says:

    Sometimes girls like beards because when you’re chowing the box, they get all scratched and shit, and it’s like some dominated type of thrill for them, or so I’ve been told.

  5. Courtney says:

    Liar … with your “beard” you are still shaving up to your eyelids.

  6. Abram says:

    Absolutely right about the benefits of beardedness, though I take exception to the last one, no doubt meant as a joke, because it reinforces the stereotype of beards as dirty. I keep me beard as clean and soft as my cranial hair. As to the beard as default, I also completely agree–it is a secondary sex characteristic and I fail to understand our society’s fascination with the pubescent male face. As the old Greek saying goes: “There are two kinds of people in this world that go around beardless—boys and women, and I am neither one.”

    To those who think beards are scratchy, come and feel mine. They are only scratchy when kept at or slightly beyond stubble length. Grow them out naturally and they are much softer than the shaven face as it takes only a few hours for stubble to emerge. I’ve never heard of people complaining about someone’s head hair being scratchy–it’s all in the length and the care. My partner certainly likes the softness of my beard against her skin.

  7. Beards & Bellies says:

    Beards are rad. Very simple point!

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