You know what pisses me off? Perfume. Back in the day when people only bathed every few months, it was essential; now that we shower daily and use deodorant, it’s obsolete. So why do people still think it’s appropriate to force others to smell their vile fragrances? It’s basically nasal rape. Often I find the unnatural, abrasive chemical scent of perfume more offensive than body odor (regular body odor, not turbocharged Indian body odor).
It’s not such a big deal when perfume is applied appropriately, i.e. sparingly. If you’re going out for a special occasion and absolutely must wear some, just spray it once into the air and walk through it. I’m a guy, I don’t wear cologne, and even I know this rule; why is it lost on all the guidos and skanks who drench themselves in Drakkar Noir and Poison?
By far the most common nasal rapists, however, are old women. They’ve been wearing the same perfume since the Truman administration, and now apply ten times as much as they did back then. Which do you think is more likely, grandma: that they’ve been gradually watering down your perfume, or that your sense of smell has deteriorated? Last week I went to the symphony, and predictably my seat was right behind some old bag who was wearing enough Chanel (or whatever) to asphyxiate a buffalo. I farted as much as possible as a desperate countermeasure, then kicked her down the stairs at intermission.