My Dream

I love to play basketball despite my utter lack of physical gifts for the sport: I’m a short, slow white guy with a laughable vertical leap.  Given my limitations, however, I’ve managed to mold myself into a pretty decent player through hard work, hustle, and a willingness to flagrantly hack quicker players as they blow by me.

Still, It frustrates me that no matter how much I practice, the degree to which I can improve is severely constrained.  I’m particularly envious of those who can dunk; from above the rim, they have access to a perspective of the game that I never will.  I used to play ball with a guy who was a full inch shorter than I and could throw it down.  My legs are probably twice as strong as his; why can’t I even touch the rim?  I know it has to do with slow and fast twitch muscle fibers, but it’s just not fair.

God, if you exist, I have but one simple and reasonable request: just once, when I’m going up for a layup, suspend the laws of physics for an instant such that I find myself above the rim.


I believe I can fly.

Fuck it, who am I kidding?  Even if this wish were somehow granted, I’d probably be so surprised that I’d miss the dunk, fall and bust my ass.


8 Responses to My Dream

  1. Dan says:

    Thanks to Mike for the great photoshop job.

  2. Mike says:

    Let me get this straight. If you could request one thing of God, you’d ask to be able to dunk ONCE.

    Not to cure AIDS, not to feed starving African children … not even to be able to dunk TWICE.

  3. Dan says:

    Those would be too much to ask, don’t you think? I’m shooting for results by asking a small favor.

  4. Jacob Glick says:

    Very good entry.

  5. prich says:

    Small favor? You’d better specify that it would be OK for God to do this while nobody was around or to erase their memories afterwords then. Otherwise there would be a lot of other people begging for favors and complaining that God wasted his energy helping you dunk instead of doing something else. Not to mention all the crazies who might try to start a cult and all the scientists and government agents trying to study you.
    So if you really want it to be a small favor, your moment of glory may need to remain a secret.

  6. Dan says:

    Nobody around? I’d want as many spectators as possible. Unless, as is likely, I blow it and bust my ass.

  7. Clownshoes says:

    Dan, you don’t remember that time when you DID dunk? It was amazing. I always wondered how you did it, and now I know. God picks up an assist. Too bad he screwed you by making you forget that it happened.

  8. Nick says:

    Where can I find a copy of that poster?

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