New In Box

This is somewhat old news, but I’ve just now found the time to comment on it: a girl named Natalie Dylan is auctioning off her virginity, and bidding has reached $3.7 million.  She’s supposedly doing this to raise money for a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy, which I’d classify somewhere between astrology and “creation science” in terms of legitimacy.  Practicing therapy doesn’t require a master’s degree, just the ability to repeat “and how does that make you feel?” while furtively looking through a yacht catalog attached to a clipboard.  Anyway, for $3.7 million, this chick must be really, really, REALLY hot, right?


I got five on it.

Wrong.  And the fact that she’s not particularly attractive is but one of the reasons her bidders must be out of their fucking minds.  Anyone who’s ever had sex with a virgin knows that it’s more awkward than erotic.  I’ve often wondered why Islamic terrorists are promised 70 virgins in heaven in the event of their martyrdom; I’d much prefer 70 sluts.

Besides, what proof is there that she is indeed a virgin?  Will there be a medical exam beforehand?  And, if she is a virgin, she no longer will be after the initial penetration, so technically she could stop the act at that point.  Whoever wins the auction had better get a good lawyer to draw up a thorough contract.

Though her bidders are fools, Natalie is pretty shrewd.  She’s going to make millions of dollars for fifteen minutes of work, and she’s already inked a book deal (though why anyone would want to read a book by some whore who sold her pussy on the internet is beyond me).   In fact, she’s inspired me to do likewise: I’m hereby auctioning off my anal virginity.  The bidding starts at $500,000, or you can “buy it now” for $1 million.  Good luck, and happy bidding.


10 Responses to New In Box

  1. metricula says:

    I applaud her for some good capitalism. Have product, sell product.

  2. Patricia says:

    I don’t think capitalism is supposed to work that way – the whole point is that competition is intended to achieve a fair market price. Sex is free more often than not, so to bid such extravagant sums, logic says these bidders must have some sort of horrible defect such that they can’t even meet the minimum requirements for cheap sex with anyone else.

  3. metricula says:

    Oh, I dunno. She’s offering a novelty service and people are willing to pay for that.
    “Hey, check out this virginity I bought from the internet!” It doesn’t appeal to me, but to a certain level of douche it’s attractive.

    …wait, I see your point.

    But “normal” people have been paying for sex for millennia so go figure. And getting married used to be basically buying virgins for baby-making. /shrug.

    Men are creepy.

  4. Patricia says:

    Normal people can still pay for sex … even on normal incomes.

    Creepy indeed.

  5. Dan says:

    You don’t pay a prostitute for sex; you pay her to leave afterward.

  6. Larry says:

    Dan, you’re not an anal virgin at all.

    The only thing you are is a heavy sleeper…

  7. Dan says:

    Gee Larry, I didn’t see that one coming.

  8. einam says:

    damn i thought i was your first

  9. Furtively? says:

    Nice, Larry.

  10. Eric says:

    She’s not even attractive.

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