9 August 2009

Damn near sporting event I watch is attended by at least one ass clown with a sign that says something to the effect of:

“Gas for trip from [some pissant town]: $X.

2 tickets to [sports facility]: $Y.

[Shitty domestic lager] and [meat products made from horse anus]: $Z

Seeing [sports team] beat [other sports team]: PRICELESS!”

First of all, those MasterCard commercials are at least a decade old.  Second, so many dipshits have parodied them that the parodies are actually more cliché than the commercials themselves.  And yet each one of those dipshits brandishes his sign proudly, as though he’s the first ever to think of the idea.

Really creative, asshole.

Really creative, asshole.

Finally, attending a ballgame is not “priceless.”  Winning a gold medal at the Olympics is priceless.  Having a threesome with Jessica Alba and Pamela Anderson is priceless.  Kicking one of these cretins in the sack would be priceless.  Going to a Twins game…looks like it ran this particular cretin about $800.

If you’re going to try to whore yourself out to the TV cameras by making a sign, at least be original, like the guy I saw at the 2001 World Series in Arizona.  Diamondbacks pitcher Randy Johnson, who had dominated the Yankees in his previous outing, was on the mound; the fellow’s sign said, “it takes more than 9 Yanks to beat our Johnson.”  Well played, sir.